So You Think You Know Iran? An IQ Test for Foreigners (Nabavi)

Writing in Tehran Bureau, Ebrahim Nabavi, one of Iran's leading satirists, sets an 18-question examination for Level 1 students:

The IQ test is a very useful tool, especially in Iran, because it helps determine your future path. With a low IQ score, you can become a government minister, prosecutor, judge, or army commander. With a high IQ score, you can go to Cambridge, Oxford, or Harvard after you're released from jail.

Now, there are certain cultural differences between Iran and other parts of the world. Because of these differences, a person who seems very intelligent in most places might not be smart at all in Iran. The following test has been designed to determine the IQ score of foreigners in the Islamic Republic:

Q1: You are on the right-hand side of a street. How do you get to the left-hand side?

A1: Find a pedestrian crosswalk and stand there at the curb. No driver will yield and allow you to cross the street, but don't give up! Thirty more people will gradually gather at the crosswalk. You will all start to chant "Death to the dictator!" The police will immediately swoop in and detain you and the others. Approximately six months later, you will be dropped off on the left-hand side of the street.

Q2: There are five birds sitting on a tree. Three of them fly away. How many birds are left?

A2: One. The other has been shot dead by a bullet fired by an unknown person from an unknown location for an unknown reason.

Q3: You become lost on the streets of Tehran. How do you find a police officer to ask directions from?

A3: It's useless to find a police officer in Tehran, as they are all from the countryside and do not know the directions.

Q4: What is two multiplied by two?

A4: Depending on what day it is, the answer might be four, six, or nine -- you should check to find out the latest government decision on the matter.

Q5: You want to find out what's going on in the city. How do you get the news?

A5: You turn on the state television network, but what you hear is all about the United States and Africa. There's some cursing, too. You decide to install a satellite dish to get the Iranian news from the BBC. You go to your rooftop and discover all your neighbors are already up there, chanting. They give you the news.

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