Britain Royal Wedding Follow-Up: The Story of Princess Beatrice's Most Exquisite Alien Hat (And You Can Buy It!)

I did not attend Britain's recent Royal Wedding between some fellow named William, who apparently knew Lady Diana, and a Miss Middleton, who seems to have had a very fetching sister.

So when I saw this photo, I honestly thought an alien was attacking a young woman who seemed blissfully unaware of the experience.

Apparently not. The young woman is Princess Beatrice, the offspring of Prince Andrew, who goes around the world selling British arms contracts, and Sarah Ferguson, who goes around the world offering access to her ex-husband Prince Andrew.

The parents of the hat are unknown, but it seems to have been conceived for the Royal Wedding. Since then, it has achieved even greater fame, cloning itself and joining the Obama Administration for the Reality TV show, "The Not-Quite-Assassination of A Bearded Man in Pakistan Who Was Not Very Nice".

Now EA can reveal the Most Exciting News of All....

You can buy the Hat (or one of the Hats, who may or may not still be mutating and duplicating). A Royal e-Bay page has been set up, with the proceeds of the auction going to charity. With a week to go, the leading bid is £9700 --- that's $15,000 for disloyal Yanks who shook off the monarchy 235 years ago. 

Go on, it's for a good cause and as one still-loyal subject wrote on the "Princess Beatrice's Ridiculous Royal Wedding Hat" Facebook page, "It's not a hat. It's a dream of a better tomorrow. A dream we all share."

Alternatively, we've got remnants of an old beige curtain and a curling iron in our storage closet for any of you wanna-be Royal designers.