US Shocker: What Scares Ex-Vice President Cheney? Canada.

He pulled President George W. Bush's strings for eight years. He put bad guys on waterboards. He single-handedly took down Saddam Hussein. (He didn't go mano-a-mano with Osama bin Laden, but let's skip over that.) He even shot his friend in the face.

What could possibly frighten Dick? This can:

Former U.S. vice-president Dick Cheney has cancelled an April appearance in Toronto citing concerns Canada is too dangerous.

“He felt that in Canada the risk of violent protest was simply too high,” said Ryan Ruppert, president of promotions company Spectre Live Corp., which had booked Mr. Cheney for an April 24 appearance at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre.

In September, Mr. Cheney was speaking at a private club in Vancouver when protesters massed outside the front door harassing ticket holders and in one instance, choking a security guard. The former vice-president was reportedly held inside the building for more than seven hours as Vancouver Police in riot gear dispersed the demonstrators.

“God forbid there was ever an emergency,” said Ruppert, noting Cheney’s history of heart problems.

Next week: Dick Cheney bites head off terrorist rabbit but runs away from scary Canadian Celine Dion....