Iran: A Journalist Writes Her Detained Husband and "Mr Interrogator"

Zhila Baniyaghoub and her husband Bahman Ahmadi Amoui, both well-known journalists, were arrested by the Iranian security officials after last June's Presidential election. Baniyaghoub was released some months ago, but her husband is in Evin Prison. On Sunday, her open letter was published on the RAHANA website:

Bahman! Why did the interrogator release me, but not you?

I had always thought that I know you very well until only very recently when I realized that I had never really known you this well before! Looking at your calm, serene and tranquil face, I can now see and admire your true persistence, patience and perseverance. Every time our eyes meet from behind the glass in the visitation room at Evin Prison, I get so calmed, reassured and relieved just by the way you look at me: so deep, powerful and soothing . It’s as if you can see right through me, you can fight away all my worries; and all of a sudden all the pain I’ve been feeling due to your absence disappears.


The last time we met, I asked you: “My dear Bahman! Aren’t you tired of the prison?” “No, Why get tired?”, you replied.

You said it so strongly, with your voice full of honesty, that I believed you and did not ask anything more.

I remember once my interrogator, who was also your interrogator, told us: “You’ll go, but only when you learn your lesson!”

I had forgotten this sentence until our dear friend Shiva Nazar Ahari was released from prison.

She is released while some of our friends are still in detention. When I congratulated her freedom she replied:
“Zhila! I was going through interrogations in jail again and again those days. Now, I keep asking myself if I had made a mistake that I was released. What have I done that I’m released before others?”

And at that time, the words of the interrogator echo through my ears again: “You and Bahman will go, but when you learn your lessons!"

My dear Bahman! This sentence is echoing constantly, making me exhausted. As Shiva said, "What have I done that the interrogator released me sooner than you?" I am envious of you these days. Of you who were even more resistant than me; of you who have probably made fewer mistakes during the interrogations; of you whose interrogator cannot think of any repentance or exhaustion on your part for being kept in jail. In fact, that’s why he doesn’t let you out.

I have mixed feelings. Positive and negative: positive because today, after ten years of our marriage, I know you much better and I am proud of you more than ever. I am proud of you because every time that I see you, you never ask about your case. You never ask when you will be free. Whenever I want to explain how I am chasing your case in the court, you change the subject immediately.

And when you see me insisting, you say, “I’ll stay here as long as it takes; no problem, no exhaustion.” And it makes me laugh: ”Honey! It seems you haven’t learned your lessons when you say such things! They might be listening! Please say you are tired of this! Say you’ve learned your lessons and you are repentant now!" And you laugh, you just laugh.

And I have a bad feeling. What have I done that they released me while you are still in prison? Why did the interrogator think that I have regretted my past?

You said “My confinement might make a better future for my little Amir and all children as opposed to my release,” and at this moment I recalled that I have heard something like that from a detained woman, I mean Shabnam who is still in prison and as her released friends say, “she [Shabnam] never prays to God for her freedom, instead she says ‘Dear God! If my confinement helps my country to thrive, let me stay in prison and if my freedom does so, then set me free.’ ”

Every time you say, “Living in prison is full of different experiences”, and then you talk about your experiences, I understand that you are still a journalist, even there.

The mere two months of imprisonment were full of pure moments. You say you could never experience that solitude in solitary confinement anywhere else in the world. You say you have recalled all of your life moments again and again in the darkness of the cell, making you feel like a light feather.

You said that after the recalling all memories of the life you have realized that from now on you must be kinder and more patient and tolerant towards others and that the most important decision of yours after release, is to go to those who once might have been bothered by you even slightly. That you are going to like your adversaries more than before. Such words are said by you; the person who is well-known among friends, colleagues and family members for his admirable tolerance.

My dear Bahman, now I can thank the interrogator who gave me the chance to know you and be proud of you more than ever: Thank you, Mr. Interrogator!

Comments

[Jack]

My god what strength. If there are even 10 more like them, no tyrant on earth can stand against them..

[ObserverA]

God bless you and your husband!