Afghanistan: Obama's Options (From Cage Fighting to Rugs)

Afghanistan Follow-Up: Civil War in the Obama Administration

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As the Obama Administration near its decision on troop escalation, the White House correspondent of The Onion leaks details of the discussions:

Pressure is mounting on President Obama to make a decision on the future of Afghanistan.

Here are the options currently being considered:

*Not only learn the lessons of Vietnam, but apply them as well

*Visit; act fascinated by their rugs

*Remove every American soldier; see if fighting continues

*Legalize gambling, as that's worked well domestically

*Thunderdome-style battle to the death between Gen. Stanley A. McChrystal and Afghanistan Taliban leader Mullah Omar

*Call the Taliban pretending to be the Prophet Muhammad and tell them to stop ambushing American soldiers

*Announce you're raising troop levels by 15,000, then pull everybody out, then come back with a half million soldiers, in the
process convincing al-Qaeda that you're loco and not to be messed with

*Arm and finance a group of religious fighters

*Back the murderous drug-dealing warlord with the most government officials in his pocket