Meet Your Next President of Texas: Mr Chuck Norris

Yes, folks, you read that right. Get excited: when Texas declares independence from the liberally decadent United States, its first leader will be the star of Missing in Action, Delta Force, Chuck Norris Meets the Martians, and, of course, Walker: Texas Ranger.

A poll by Research 2000 this week found that Republicans in Texas are now evenly split on "independence", with 48 percent favouring secession from the US and 48 percent opposing. Weak-kneed Democrats pull the overall figure for independence down to 35 percent, but we're sure Mr Norris's support for secession, backed by a few well-placed kicks, will start changing minds.

Norris launched his Presidential bid in March on the highly-esteemed political talk show, The Glenn Beck Program. After plugging his new book, Black Belt Patriotism: How to Reawaken America, and declaring, "Jack Bauer would last 5 seconds against Walker", Norris declared:

We could break off from the union if we wanted to....I may run for president of Texas.

Norris says that the remark was initially a "quip", but a week later, he got serious:

From the East Coast to the "Left Coast," America seems to be moving further and further from its founders' vision and government....[But] anyone who has been around Texas for any length of time knows exactly what we'd do if the going got rough in America. Let there be no doubt about that. As Sam Houston once said, "Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may."

So how about a President Norris? The mega-superstar writes, "That need may be a reality sooner than we think."

And for you liberals/radicals/socialists who don't think this is a serious prospect, you might not only wake up to an independent Texas but one on your doorstep, kicking your butts for Norris's "second American Revolution". Let me just remind of the title of Chuck's 1985 blockbuster:

Invasion USA

Comments

[E.T.Cook]

I want Texan independence just because I'm a filthy Texan, and share gleefully in the quaint Texan hubris that permeates everything about us. Nothing to do with politics, and nothing to do with Chuck Norris. Just to be able to say f*** you to everyone for a week would be great...just a week. ;)

And hey, we have our own power grid ;)

http://www.slate.com/id/2087133/

[Josh Mull]

http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2009/04/16/foreign_relations_with_texas_if_it_secedes

"So, Texas would need to court Mexico and Central American nations as a trading partners and protectors. Those very nations would also pose a host of problems for Texas. President Perry might find friends in anti-U.S. nations like Venezuela and Cuba, but their socialist politics would rankle the libertarian nation.

And Texas would become a conduit for drugs moving north to the United States from Mexico, maybe even becoming a narco-state. It would need to invest heavily in its own military and policing force to stop drug violence within its borders -- taking away valuable resources from, oh, feeding its people, fending off U.S. border incursions, and improving its standing in the world.

In short: the state of Texas would rapidly become direly impoverished, would need to be heavily armed, and would be wracked with existential domestic and foreign policy threats. It would probably make our failed states list in short order. Probably better to pay the damn taxes.

And of course -- Texas isn't seceding. Only regions in civil war or self-governing areas in very weak states manage independence. Perry was floating a piece of asinine political rhetoric, running a heated race against fellow Republican Kay Bailey Hutchinson and courting small-government conservatives of all stripes. Plus, more importantly, Texas can't secede, according to the 1869 Supreme Court Case, Texas v. White. Ah well."

[Dave]

Texas is the only state in the union that would be better off independent of the United States.

Reasons:

1. A United States without Texas would be crippled economically if it cut trade ties. Texas supplies 40% of domestic oil usage. Natural Gas is huge as well. Plus, Texas would certainly expand its offshore drilling, and EPA regulations would be nonexistent, leading to another oil boom.

2. Texas is the most pro-business state in the most pro-business nation in the world.
It would quickly become a regional tax haven and headquarters for business.

3. Texas is a major agricultural supplier for the United States: cotton, beef cattle, citrus, etc.....Only California is more vital agriculturally.

4. Texas has a fully independent power grid.

5. Texas has a higher percentage of military veterans than any other state. An independent Texas would move rapidly to acquire nuclear weapons, and already has the expertise and facilities to produce its own stockpile. A nuclear Texas would be able to hold major powers at bay and would automatically have a seat at world negotiations. Further, Texas' military would be able to focus strictly on border issues with Mexico.

6. Texas' trade partners would be global. Texas is a major player in the computer industry, petrochemicals, aviation, aerospace, biomedical, and other high-tech fields.

7. Texas has good relations with Mexico, and the major illegal immigration patterns would shift to Arizona and New Mexico.

8. Texas' infrastructure system: highways, rail, air, and shipping are second to none.

9. The bogus legality of Texas v. White is a joke. If Texas joined the Union, it can leave. Would the USA literally again march into Texas and order the slaughter of innocent civilians to keep together a "Union?" Finally, Texas v. White doesn't even hold up with the fact that Texas had to be readmitted into the Union. Why did this happen if she never left?

10. Texas was an independent nation once, with embassies in Paris and London. She can go independent again. Texans are the most resolute, proud, and independent people in North America.

11. If Israel can prosper surrounded by large enemies, so can Texas. If Australia can make it so can Texas. If Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania can make it so can Texas.

12. Free market economy, low taxes, strong defense posture, tough border controls, pro-business environment, small government, low welfare, private health care, locally financed education, strong universities, true family values, strong Christian faith, Protestant work ethic, vast natural resources, self-reliance, "Cowboy" mentality, and the Texas attitude would bring the world a new example of what human beings can do when they are really free.

Liberty Forever!

Texas, its a whole other country!