Meet Your Next President of Texas: Mr Chuck Norris

Yes, folks, you read that right. Get excited: when Texas declares independence from the liberally decadent United States, its first leader will be the star of Missing in Action, Delta Force, Chuck Norris Meets the Martians, and, of course, Walker: Texas Ranger.

A poll by Research 2000 this week found that Republicans in Texas are now evenly split on "independence", with 48 percent favouring secession from the US and 48 percent opposing. Weak-kneed Democrats pull the overall figure for independence down to 35 percent, but we're sure Mr Norris's support for secession, backed by a few well-placed kicks, will start changing minds.

Norris launched his Presidential bid in March on the highly-esteemed political talk show, The Glenn Beck Program. After plugging his new book, Black Belt Patriotism: How to Reawaken America, and declaring, "Jack Bauer would last 5 seconds against Walker", Norris declared:

We could break off from the union if we wanted to....I may run for president of Texas.

Norris says that the remark was initially a "quip", but a week later, he got serious:

From the East Coast to the "Left Coast," America seems to be moving further and further from its founders' vision and government....[But] anyone who has been around Texas for any length of time knows exactly what we'd do if the going got rough in America. Let there be no doubt about that. As Sam Houston once said, "Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may."

So how about a President Norris? The mega-superstar writes, "That need may be a reality sooner than we think."

And for you liberals/radicals/socialists who don't think this is a serious prospect, you might not only wake up to an independent Texas but one on your doorstep, kicking your butts for Norris's "second American Revolution". Let me just remind of the title of Chuck's 1985 blockbuster:

Invasion USA