Last-Minute Christmas Gift of the Year: The Paul Ross Print

"It's like having a picture of a lovely besuited Jesus drinking a glass of mineral water on your kitchen wall."

Paul Ross is a relatively minor British television and radio presenter, currently featuring as the host of Most Haunted Live! and show business reporter for This Morning after his stunning performance as Team Captain in Celebrity Fit Club. He also has a movie career, having played Colonel Mattel in the 1989 classic Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death.

Paul unfortunately suffers from the inconvenience that his younger brother Jonathan is a very major televison and radio presenter for the BBC. However, he has now struck back by putting 12 x 20-inch canvas prints of himself on sale on Amazon.This in itself would be quite unremarkable, were it not for the feast of customer reviews, almost 100 at last count, that have cropped up on Amazon in the last two weeks. Apparently "buyers" have found that Paul's print exorcises demons, cure infirmities, and helps the young ones sleep at night.



Just consider: "Since Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa has any smile been more enigmatic than this?" "At an amazing 20 pence per square inch, Mr. Ross has never been such good value for money." "If you only buy one 20 inch canvas print of Paul Ross this year, this is the one to get."

I realise, dear reader, that you may now be panicking that, given the attention this wondrous gift is now receiving, you may be too late to buy one and place it under the tree for your beloved. Fear not --- I took the liberty of purchasing a job lot of 50 prints, each of which awaits the right home for the Christmas season.

Happy Holidays and Happy Shopping!

Gaza Update: It's the Economy, Stupid....

For me, the second most important story on Thursday about Gaza was the breakdown of the truce between Hamas and the Israeli military.

The most important --- although I suspect you may not have seen it --- was this: "UN agency suspends Gaza food aid". The combination of the Israeli blockade and rocket fire meant that stocks of wheat flour ran out, cutting off assistance to the 20,000 people per day who rely on the agency. (A total of 750,000 in Gaza are dependent on food aid.)

Dig a bit deeper, and the following hard-core facts --- which of course are all too evident to those in Gaza --- emerge. Unemployment is now at 49 percent, up from 32 percent a year ago. Most people are without power for up to 16 hours a day, Many residents of Gaza City are without power for up to 16 hours a day, and half receive water (80 percent of which is substandard) only once a week for a few hours, the report said. A UN report calls the situation "a human dignity crisis".

A couple of British and American newspapers, after their eye-catching headlines on the truce breakdown and "rocket attacks" did deign to report that economic and social news. The New York Times, for example, wrote:

Hamas officials say it was their understanding at the time that two weeks after the June 19 accord took effect Israel would open the crossings and allow the transfer of goods that had been banned or restricted after June 2007.

However, deliveries increased only from 70 to 90 truckloads a day, compared with 500 to 600 before June 2007. The outcome? Ameera Ahmed, a Gaza resident who struggles to find even the formula needed for her six-month-old daughter, writes in The Observer:

During the months of the blockade, everything in my life has changed. Before, I would wake up and hope that tomorrow would be better than today. But it never happened. The reason is simple. It is because I live in Gaza, where all dreams and hope vanish because of the situation we live in.

Of course, you can make the snap response that Ahmed and all the other Gazans struggling to make it day-to-day are victims of both the Israeli blockade and the rocket fire from Gaza that is cited as justification for the restrictions. But doing so, you are into a circular argument that cannot be broken, ensuring that this dance of destruction and deprivation is perpetual.

It might be more instructive to ask: will the Israeli blockade really turn the population against Hamas, leading to an effective coup d'etat? Even if that occurred, would it produce the pliant Gazan public that will accept Tel Aviv's conditions for a political settlement? Or is it more likely that a citizenry subjected to this punishment will see its oppressor as Israel, thus stocking up more anger and more resentment for yet more conflict?

There is a way out, in other words, but no one seems willing to put forth the notion of talks between Hamas and the Israeli Government. Instead, we can settle for the farce of an American President reducing Gaza to invisibility as he meets the head of the Palestinian (West Bank) Authority and declares, "People must recognise that we have made a good deal of progress."

A Farewell Song for George Bush: "What You Doin' Standin' Around?"

This man on his own could fill a Top Ten list of good-bye music for our 43rd President, but the pertinence of this song's message makes it our 4th nomination:

[youtube]http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=XR80U_DQwFE[/youtube]

See all the Farewell Song contest entrants

Non-Story of the Day: 30,000 More US Troops in Afghanistan

Most newspapers run the statement of Admiral Mike Mullen, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, that the US will be deploying another 30,000 troops in Afghanistan over the next year. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, in a separate statement, confirmed that 3000 were already on their way.

It's a non-story because, as we reported last week, the Pentagon have been steadily leaking this information. More significant is Mullen's red-meat warning, "When we get additional troops here, I think the violence level is going to go up. The fight will be tougher."

In other words, get ready for the long haul, folks. And forget any namby-pamby talk about a political approach or, heaven help us, a negotiated way out of this mess. This is a head-on military confrontation.



That in turn points to a US strategy being led, not by the politicians --- even an Obama --- but by the generals taking advantage of the "transition" period. David Petraeus has pretty much gotten his wish, without having to go through the difficulty of running for elected office, to be top dog in Washington.

The point is made this morning, inadvertently, by a puff-piece editorial --- "a stable, safe and free Iraq is emerging" --- by stay-the-course hawk Senators John McCain, Joe Lieberman, and Lindsay Graham. Noting that Barack Obama has bolstered Gates with the appointment of a military man, James Jones, as National Security Advisor, the trio go further with their call for a "a responsible redeployment from Iraq, based on the new and improved realities on the ground". How best to do that?

Of course, it's by "seek[ing] the counsel of Gen. David Petraeus, the head of U.S. Central Command, and Gen. Ray Odierno, commander of coalition forces in Iraq". (No one seems to mention anymore, despite Thomas Ricks' excellent account in his book Fiasco, that Odierno's heavy-handed methods in 2003/4 in Iraq gave a big boost to the insurgency.)

But, if you want the really significant dimension of the story, note Mullen's statement that most of the US troops will be deployed to Helmand province, where Britain currently has the military lead. Then match that up to a report in The Times that "Robert Gates, the defence secretary, and senior commanders are concerned that the British government lacks the 'political will' for the fight".

In other words, "London, put up or stand aside". But, either because of political concerns or (more likely) the strains on Britain's armed forces, the Brown Government isn't willing or able to step up the military game in Afghanistan, at least in the short turn. And that in turn means the US is taking over in another section of the country.

Get ready. It's going to be a very tough fight, indeed.

Update on Muntazar al-Zaidi: How Badly Was He Beaten?

Many US and British Sunday newspapers have summary stories on Iraqi Shoe-Gate, but only one is of significance. Afif Sarwan writes in The Observer of London:

Witnesses to his arrest and imprisonment have told the Observer Zaidi was badly beaten, during and after his arrest last Sunday, and that he risks losing the sight in one of his eyes as a result.

A police officer told Sarwan that al-Zaidi was not just beaten at the scene of his alleged crime but throughout his journey to the police station. According to the officer, this is when al-Zaidi's suffered at least one broken rib:

I felt sorry when I saw them beating him. His mouth was badly injured and he did not utter a single word throughout until one of the guards hit him in his left eye with a gun. Then he cried out that he couldn't see, and I saw blood inside his eye. I am a police officer but even I have to say I felt proud of what he did.

A doctor called to examine al-Zaidi said he had hematomas, bruises indicating internal bleeding, across his body and "particularly on his left leg, shoulders, face, and head". Specialists were called in to prevent bleeding which might threaten al-Zaidi's sight.