Anti-American Euro-Weenie Update: Dangerous Writer Grounds Trans-Atlantic Flight

CALVO-OSPINA: CLEARLY DANGEROUS EURO-WEENIE

Last Monday we reported about the threat to national security from Polish concert pianist Krystian Zimerman, who added a criticism of US military policies to his performance in Los Angeles.

Enduring America has learned, however, of an even more dangerous challenge to the US homeland. Fortunately, our alert homeland security forces were able to stop Hernando Calvo Ospina, a Colombian writer corrupted by his residency in France, before he could strike us with biting sarcasm or villainous irony.

On 18 April, Mr Calvo Ospina smuggled himself onto an Air France flight from Paris to Mexico City by purchasing a round-trip ticket. As the plane was nearing the east coast of the United States, however, the captain announced that US authorities had denied permission to cross American airspace.

Short of fuel, the plane diverted to the island of Martinique in the Caribbean where passengers speculated on the reason for the US refusal. A real mystery, because ""nobody...looks like a Muslim."

When the plane was again airborne, flying to Mexico by circumventing US territory, a co-pilot told Mr Calvo Ospina --- the author of Bacardi: The Hidden War on "the commercial and political activites" of the rum producer --- the truth. You, sir, are the terrorist.

At the Mexico City terminal, Mexican authorities --- prompted by "three or four men behind [a] glass partition" --- quizzed him, no doubt about his plans to paper-bomb the US with copies of his forthcoming book on Jack Daniel's. However, after queries such as "Are you a Catholic?" and "Do you know how to handle firearms?", they allowed him to catch his next flight to Managua, Nicaragua. (Another example, if any were needed, about how America's "friends to the south" are letting the jihadists/wrtiers win.)

So, my friends, next time you visit Mexico (perhaps in 2038, after there is no more swine flu), keep an eye on that radical writer in the seat near you --- he/she can be identified by the FreeTrade sticker, scruffy beard, and the copy of Chomsky in a jacket pocket. But do not fear: the Americans are also watching.

The pen may be mightier than the shoe bomb, but it shall not harm you.

Anti-American Euro-Weenie Alert: Polish Piano Player Really Mad at US

Enduring America, your defender of all good and manly things red, white, and blue, brings you the latest story of Euro-betrayal:

A Polish fella named Krystian Zimerman is apparently a hot-shot concert pianist. He's tinkling the ivories in Los Angeles' Disney Hall (named, you will note, after a great macho American) last week when he stops and announces that he ain't playing no more. Seems he's a bit upset about American military policies.

The exact words were, "Get your hands off my country," which apparently is a reference to American plans to stick a missile defence system in Poland (along with a few bases and Burger Kings). Some European fifth-columnists cheered, but other true Americans yelled at Zimerman to shut up and keep playing or told him where he could his piano and our missiles.

To those who walked out, Zimerman commented, "Some people when they hear the word military start marching." It is unclear whether he played an appropriate martial tune, say, Toby Keith's "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue".

Zimerman apparently is a repeat offender. He announced in 2006 that he would not return to the United States until George Bush was out of office, and at another performance, he denounced the Guantanamo Bay detention facility.

Don't worry, though. This guy's got some way to go before he catches up with us: US customs launched a pre-emptive strike
just after 11 September 2001 when they confiscated his piano and destroyed it because "the glue smelled funny".

And, while I'm playing Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA", Mr Zimerman may also want to recall that, in 1989, a Ms Sinead O'Connor refused to sing the National Anthem at The Meadowlands in New Jersey. True red, white, and blue American Frank Sinatra threatened to "whip her a**".

And her career was never the same.